Shine Bright
Our family goes to church 4-5 times a year. It is challenging with the service only offered on Sundays at 9:30 a.m.. The only day we don’t have to rush out the door. At the start of every year, it is always my biggest regret. While I complained when my mom dragged us to Sunday School each week, church also had a positive impact. I could be myself in Youth Group and used the experience to write my college essay.
I kicked off the first weekend of 2020 with the bold intention that THIS would be the year we start going to church as a family. I was giddy over the idea that we might even go to apres-church brunch! Yes, my expectations are often unrealistic.-) Back to that first weekend of January when I began suggesting to my family that they prepare to go to church. This meant reminding the boys when they were heading out Saturday night that they should set alarms and lay out clothes to get ready for church. I now see this was hurting my cause. They both had late nights. I had to drag them out of a deep sleep on Sunday at 8:45 a.m. They went, but grumbled complaints under their breath in our pew. As I walked out of the sanctuary after not really enjoying the service, I bumped into a woman who lives near me and she thanked us for coming. I made a snide comment on how I was the only one who really enjoyed it - clearly I felt like I needed to explain the frowns flanking me. “Next time come alone, I do it all the time since my teenagers don’t always get up,” Danielle cheerily explained. I walked away thinking “Ha- I am NOT coming to church alone! The whole point is to come as a FAMILY so our boys can have the same experience I had.” My Mom ended up eventually going alone to church and I thought that was heartbreaking.
Cut to today. I asked my family if we could go to church and the boys begged to sleep in since it is SuperBowl Sunday and they want to stay up later. I get it, they are going to have a busy night and sleep is very important in our house. So I dressed quickly, poured coffee into my travel mug (which is is totally acceptable to bring into church in 2020) and went solo. I am very social but it still makes me anxious to go to events alone. “Good morning, I am so glad you came!” I was greeted by Danielle as soon as I walked into church. I told her this was my first time coming alone. “Don your oxygen mask, Sami! Danielle was right, I did need to take care of myself first and bravely do what I feel is right for me. Today she was the bright light that I needed and she probably has no idea of her impact. Must be how a lighthouse feels.
I loved the quiet meditative time that church gave me this morning. I loudly sang and no one rolled their eyes. I had time to think clearly and when ideas bubbled up, I pulled out a little notebook from my purse and jotted them down. It was a very peaceful hour. My Mom used to explain that she liked the fact that church broke up her weekly routine and started off the next week in a new light. Some days she sang and other times she cried. After church I called my Mom and told her that I finally understood why she went to church solo. Some things take twenty years to comprehend. This gives me faith that our boys might gain perspective in the future and that some of our lessons will sink in. I will shine brightly and help them find their way.
XOXO,
Sami
