Chutes and Ladders.

You move a few spaces forward, accomplish a brief victory as you climb a rung on a short ladder, then bam!  A chute lands in your path and you are right back where you started.  I am stuck in a loop of a never-ending game of chutes and ladders.  As we enter another month of staying home during the Pandemic, I need to switch up my game. 

Remember the one where you were asked who you would invite to dinner?  Maria, Brene, Reese, Hoda, Kelly and Oprah (obviously).  Brene’s podcasts help navigate my anxiety, Kelly’s Facebook Live Videos remind me that I am not alone, Oprah and Maria have such powerful words of wisdom, and Hoda keeps the news in perspective.  Reese keeps me entertained and distracted on the screen and with her book club.  This group has been around my table this month and gotten me through. 

What does she bring to the table?  My Dad would ask my sister and I when we wanted to invite a friend to dinner.  And if they came over and were not engaged in the quick witted banter of our family; “she really didn’t bring that much to the table.”  Luckily these friends were not aware of the pressure they were on when they joined us for a family meal.  But I could see Sarah start to sweat when her friend squeaked out an answer to a question, or (even worse) blushed.  Our father could be intimidating and warning our friends would make things worse.  I tried to hint to one boyfriend before a dinner where we were asking if he could come away with our family to Nantucket.  The boyfriend wore a hat at the table, nervously called my Dad the wrong name, and his invitation got lost in the mail. 

Thanks to ‘Rona, I ‘ve had to learn how to build virtual tables to stay connected.  We have had virtual birthday parties, happy hours, book clubs, coffee chats, networking events- they come in all shapes and sizes.  They strengthen the relationships that are dear to my heart.  Scree face-to-face allows us to see body language, hear tone of voice, and gives our endorphins a boost.   And I appreciate that each person brings something to the table. 

One of these calls was on my parent’s wedding anniversary.   While we were all pointing out how sad life is without our father, Pookie suggested that we “do something positive to honor him.”  We can focus on who is missing from our table, or we can flip it to a positive experience to remember him.  I have been meaning to organize a box of photos that my mother gave me last year, and now I have the time.  I get distracted texting cousins, aunts, uncles, my brother, and sisters sharing the fun memories as I sort.  It is comforting to see my Dad’s handwriting on some of the envelopes.  I am not tackling this project alone, I am finishing something that he started.  Adding the pictures into photo albums feels satisfying.   This I can control. 

Going through photos not only helps to reconnect with the people who are important to me, it also inspires me to keep snapping them.  Even the spontaneous shots we take today will make for funny memories later.